Friday, October 28, 2005

Diver.



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Deep sea diving or commercial diving involves any manmade underwater equipment. Commercial divers work on ships, bridges, dams, critical pipeline systems, offshore oilfield sites, and search and recovery projects. Commercial divers may dive anywhere where there is water. Commercial diving is not something that you just go out and do. There has to be a lot of hands-on time, things you can't learn from a book. Diving involves science and nuclear technology. Every dive is unique, exciting, and adventurous.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Monday, October 10, 2005

LoDo



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"Celebrating Cultural Diversity & Mirrored Sunglasses since 1876."

Thursday, October 06, 2005

DHARMA



The Swan















1980

Married.



I am now a happily married man. The wedding was great and the honeymoon trip was even better. Best 4 days of my life. The Weezer/Foo Fighters concert was awesome (and loud), and the restaurants and shops in "LoDo" were great. The Downtown Aquarium in Denver is not to be missed, just make sure your cab driver has heard of the place.

Also, there will never be a Gremlin outbreak in Denver, or at least anywhere near the Renaissance Hotel, because everything shuts down after midnight. Even the Wal-mart and the IHOP.

Best. Ever.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Monday, September 12, 2005

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

A Special Announcement



I am getting married. In 22 days. (No, my fiance is not pregnant)

I will tie the knot (huh? what knot?) with Amy Hynson, simply the greatest lady in the history of recorded time.

- You can view a video of the lady in question's ring, here (Quicktime Format, 8MB) Look for a special cameo by Thomas the Tank Engine.

- You can read all about her wonderful daughter here

I look stupid in this photo. Happy, but stupid.



I've never been happier.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

A Disheveled Tom Green Hoses Off A Slide


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Monday, August 29, 2005

Now with 355 locations in 44 states including 55 franchised locations!



Did you know that Hell has its' own website? Here it is --> CLICK HERE

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

quote



" Growing up, my dad was like, 'Zach, it's not what you say, it's how you say it,' and he's so right. Take this in for instance: 'She had a crackbaby,' versus, 'She had a crack, baby.' " -- Zach Galifianakis

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

New Comic!



New Comic from me! And it's not even funny! Not even remotely. Seriously, it's a waste of time. I can't even explain why I made it. But for some reason it makes me laugh every time I see it.

Thumbnail

Monday, August 08, 2005

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

a new leaf



hello blog.

I have a new job (in reality, a full-time extension and $$$ upgrade of my old one).

WEB-MAS-TOR! (thunderclap)

It features a schedule of 8am to 5pm, with a blessed lunch-hour in the middle for eating and horsing-off. My hours are spent converting existing HTML files into new, slightly-different-looking HTML files, while still managing to fit in countless hours of internet surfing, downloading, and Photoshoppery.

These is a new dress-code, so my old wardrobe is unacceptable (see post below for an example). Being a upstanding employee, I now sport polo shirts and a slack-style pant. (photos forthcoming)

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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Special Presentation



I seriously love the hell of out this video.
Daft Punk, "Robot Rock" (click the TV to choose your format)

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Friday, May 13, 2005

Kevin is funny



"I have a common thing I say around here. I go to Molly, who is the person who knows everybody and all the history and all the procedures and I say "I need a box of chocolate and a set of brass knuckles." The joke is that I have to go talk someone into doing something they don't want to do. (I have to do this a lot) But, the person is a pain, so I am going to start by offering candy, and if that doesn't work I am going to beat them mercilessly.

Pardon, me I have some chocolate and punches to deliver." --K

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Expanded Polystyrene


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been busy. Posting on the ol' blog has slipped my mind as of late. Life and work have conspired to keep me postless...Until Now (dramatic suspense music)...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rose State College has a Cafe. It is terrible. On the menu, there is an item that turns my stomach every time I read it. It's not the item itself that sickens me, but the additional adjective that describes it. What is this item?

"Cold Sandwich"

Ugh.


"Cold" (lifeless, limp, numb, apathetic, unfeeling...)

"Sandwich" (sandwich)

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Friday, April 15, 2005

post.



"Paranoia, in the levels I'm seeing here, can be dangerous. People may be
out to get you. Keep an eye out."

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Geddy Lee, Superhero


True Story:

I was on the MSN homepage today, when a headline caught my eye:



I immediately envisioned the band (nay, supergroup) "Rush" doing battle with an evil virus, armed only with the power of *rock*.



The End.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Crazy Bread



I am deliriously tired. I did not sleep at all last night...I simply *could not* fall asleep, and managed only to toss and turn for hours on end. Now, as I type this, I feel like my head is weightless and floating above my shoulders...Each thought takes a second or two longer to think about, as if I'm trying to think from behind a thick piece of glass and my brain can't hear me very well...each movement is slower and more determined...requiring great concentration...it's like I'm controlling my body from across the room...My eyes are narrow, and my eyelids heavy..etc. etc.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Monday, March 07, 2005

sappy



I have a girlfriend

I am totally happy

this is a Haiku

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

A short story I wrote once...



"Backseat Driver" (2003) by Brandon Acree


It was happening again. Andrew could feel that familiar drowsiness beginning to overtake him. It was happening more frequently now that he had stopped fighting it. Always when I'm driving, he thought as he looked down at the steering wheel, What's going on?

A few months ago, when it had started, he had thought that he must be working too hard, maybe needed more rest. He had started going to bed at eight o'clock, but it hadn't changed anything. He would leave work as usual, and then find himself in his driveway, with no recollection of the drive home. Hours would be missing, usually two, and the gas tank would be nearly empty. Andrew didn't know how long this pattern had gone on, nor could he pinpoint when he had become aware of it. It scared him, but he was afraid to tell anyone. They'll think I'm trying to get workman's comp or something...they'll think I'm faking it.

About three weeks ago, he had sort of "woken up" during his drive home. It had at first felt like dream, everything too bright and too blurry. He could see out of the car, see the road going by, but he couldn't move. He had looked down, and saw his hands gripping the steering wheel, making small corrections to adjust to the road, but he wasn't in control of them. He also had got the distinct impression that had been another person in the car, sitting in the passenger's seat, but he couldn't seem to focus on him. At his point, his head began to throb, and the edges of his vision had seemed to dim. Then everything had gone black. He had come to in his driveway, the car still running. For two weeks, he didn't leave the house. Eventually, his sick leave ran out, and he was forced to resume working. Andrew had told himself that he imagined the whole thing, but that fantasy didn't last very long.

The drowsiness was getting stronger now. He had decided not to fight it this time, to save his strength. Maybe he could "wake up" again and figure out what was happening. He consciously "let go", and tried to relax. The road blurred for a moment, and a warm sensation flowed over his body. His vision began to dim, and everything went black.

At some point he became aware of the blackness. He had no way of knowing how long he had been out of it, but it felt like days. He couldn't see anything, but he could hear some sort of muffled talking. As he focused, the conversation became clearer, until he could finally make out words. "Do you have it?" said a voice. Andrew tried to open his eyes, to see where the voice was coming from, but they were already open. "It's in the trunk." he heard himself say. His voice sounded odd, echoing strangely in his head. Faint images were coming to him now, shapes mostly. He watched himself as he reached in and took something out of the car. He couldn't seem to focus on the object, and his head stubbornly refused to look down at it. "Excellent." said the other voice. He tried to look at the source of the other voice, but the effort had drained him. His energy gone, the blackness overcame him.

Andrew awoke to find himself sitting in his car. The familiar sight of his driveway greeted him. Sunlight flooded the car, hurting his eyes. He checked his watch, and found that it was ten o'clock in the morning. This is crazy, he told himself, I've got to find out what's going on. An idea suddenly came to him. If he could somehow film his ride home, hide a camera in the car somewhere, maybe he could catch himself doing whatever it was he was doing.

He got out of the car, and walked to the house next door. His neighbor, John, was one of those people who bought every piece of home electronics he could get his hands on. If anybody has a video camera, he will. He knocked on the door, and after a few minutes, John answered.
"Hey Andy, what's up?"
"Not much, man," Andrew said, hoping he didn't look as tired and crazy as he felt, "I need to ask you a favor."
"Sure." John said
"Can I borrow your video camera?"
John gave him a confused look. "You're joking right?"
"What do you mean?" Andrew said.
"You came over here and borrowed it last night," John said, looking him over, "Are you drunk or something?"
Andrew's stomach felt like someone was twisting it. "Uh, no...", he stammered, "I , uh, guess I forgot. Thanks."
John's eyes narrowed. "Are you alright? You look kinda pale."
"Yeah, I'm fine." Andrew lied, "Just tired is all. I'll talk to you later"
He could feel John's stare as he walked back to his house.

He found the camera sitting on his kitchen table, along with a note reading "Nice Try." The letters were large and jagged, scrawled in what looked like a child's handwriting. Andrew studied the poorly drawn letters for a moment, and then recognized them. My left hand, he thought. He had broken his right hand playing football in high school, and had spent 6 weeks trying to write with his left. All he had been able to muster was a childish scrawl. Those letters now stared up at him. He picked up the camera, and found a tape inside. The words "For Andy" were scribbled on the label. He felt a chill go down his spine.

For an hour he debated on whether he should watch the tape. He paced back and forth, staring at it. Finally, morbid curiousity got the better of him, and he picked it up. His hands were shaking now, as he struggled to put the tape in the VCR. He wiped the sweat out of his eyes, and forced himself to hit "play." The screen flickered to life, and for a moment, Andrew had the sensation of looking in mirror. "Hello Andrew," said the other him, "Pretty clever. You're sharper than most of the others. This, however, makes you dangerous to us, so I'm afraid I have to end our partnership."

Andrew's nose began to bleed, first one nostril, then the other. He started to stand up, but a wave of vertigo hit him, and he fell. There was a buzzing noise he could feel in his teeth, that seemed to come from inside of his skull. Some part of him was vaguely aware that his eyes had begun to bleed. Mercifully, everything dimmed and went black, this time for good.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

tee hee



at my job, they use a lot of databases. These databases all have fields with arbitrarily abbreviated names. For example, one field is called "EMPL I.D.", for "employee i.d."

For some reason, my coworkers call it " imple I.D. "...

Long story short, when they say it, I always hear it as "nipple I.D.", and it makes me laugh. Something about the mental image of a bizarre identification process involving nipples is hilarious to me.


Also, here's ringo:


Click.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Monday, February 07, 2005

Friday, February 04, 2005

Photoshop Artwork




Click here

Ho! Hey-Ho!


This album is excellent.



Also:

DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979 ON ‘LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O’BRIEN’ ON FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2005

Monday, January 31, 2005

5 months



What a difference 5 months makes...